Received by one of my students after the completion of the Level 3 training of Radiant Child Yoga. The culmination of Level 3 is a process called Deep Listening. The meditation practice of Present Moment Awareness is key in this part of the training.
Listen and be inspired by this courageous woman’s story:
I wanted to share a very profound realization I had about “allowing” yesterday during the teacher training.
When I was 15, my grandmother and cousin were murdered in our home by a “friend’ of the family. The murderer is still on death row. Because of a Supreme Court ruling that overturned part of state law in place during the murderer’s sentencing, a large portion of the original trial had to be re-done in 2009.
At my dinner interview, I mentioned working through a lot of transition. Recent events have deepened my constant uneasiness of having my “home” stolen from me by a murderer. I’ve been struggling with this lately and trying to figure out how to return the feeling of “home”. I’ve also been struggling to feel love at the depth I know is possible and have felt before that event. It’s manifested recently as a feeling and vision of bits of shrapnel in my heart center, piercing me, blocking me from feeling love the way I want and know it can be experienced. On our way home from dinner the other night, I alluded to this and you sang, “Nothing is good or bad, thinking is what makes it so.” I just thought to myself, “Nope, pretty sure murder is just bad.” I thought more about it and just let it sit.
During the “Listening” activity, I sat quietly on my turn to speak and focused on connecting with my partner through silence and allowing connection, fullness, and love. That’s when I felt my crown chakra burst into bright white light, jolting my body, almost burning my head it was so bright. Then, I felt a shift in my heart center as if the shrapnel was dislodging… then my “speaking” turn was over. It was profound and gave me hope and lots more to sit with.
Between class sessions yesterday, I realized that *I* didn’t murder my grandmother and cousin. They are at peace and really didn’t suffer much. Yes, our family lost additional time with them and our family home. However, *I* allowed the murderer to steal my sense of security and taint my memories my beloved family and home. So, I decided to no longer allow him that power because doing so only serves that horrible act. I feel the strength and security of my “home” returning with the vibrant, loving memories of sharing time with my beloved family there. I still wince a bit thinking of the losses, but I remind myself that I’m not allowing them to be taken from me again. I also have visions now of the shrapnel simply being absorbed by love’s growth or even dissolving. Once again, I’m just sitting with it, allowing for healing with no intent on what I think healing should look like.
There’s still a sense of loss and emptiness, but it no longer feels plagued, tarred, quarantined, or any other negative and VERY heavy sensation. I see it as empty space where I can sculpt whatever I want now! It’s very liberating! There are several things I’m reminded of here: 1) Just ask for what you need, but don’t specify HOW you expect it to be delivered. 2) YOU ALLOW yourself to be victimized (even if you’re being courageous). 3) “If you change the way you look at things, the thing you look at change.”
Thanks for another very transformative experience. If I can move through this and be at peace with it, then what a great example it can be to others who struggle.